Down and out blinded by a darkness
That one should not know exists.
Patiently waiting for a sign to show
That these struggles are somehow worth it.
I get a whole lot of if you need me
I’m always one phone call away.
That’s a good thing to hear but
Where were you when I needed you today?
I guess it’s my fault cause
I mask a lot of my true emotions
But enough clues have been dropped and by now you should already know this.
I’ve learned that people only care
When they have a little free time.
Preoccupied by their own lives
I can’t expect them to care about mine.
In due time, I’ve been told because
Everything happens for a reason.
I just need a glimmer of light
To get me thru this dark and lonely season.
Can’t believed I let it happen again.
No longer was i thinking with the right head.
Blindly following a hope and a dream.
When I should’ve used common sense instead.
My brain only had one ? for my heart
How did you let it go on for so long? Believed in a false narrative for what?
How could you have been so wrong?
Matters of the heart can lead to
A lifetime of frustrations.
Making you believe something is real while being led by an over active imagination.
It was crazy to think about and
I’m not sure what made me even believe.
My minds eye couldn’t reconcile what the heart was trying to conceive…..
I got tired of running so I let y’all collect the bounty that was on my head. Guilty of all charges the penalty was death and I gotta tell ya, I’m glad that nigga dead. It’s the rebirth of me and you might not like what you see. Reconcile that on your own time cause you no longer dictate my happy. So now I’m an asshole??? yeah you might be right. But when dead me wanted to go to war, were you ready to fight? Battle after battle it was me against the world. And loss after loss what was gained cause I never got the girl. I don’t play the blame game but don’t ask about the “old” me. Y’all killed that nigga dead so thankfully that is someone I can no longer be. Salute
Inspiration can come from several different places. Open your eyes let the world be your motivation. Friends are supposed to be there no matter what the situation. Sunny days will leave a mark we call it perspiration. The mark you left was uninspired where’s the dedication? No days off your feelings took a motherfucking vacation. Left me alone you didn’t care what the fuck I was saying. Suicidal thoughts had the blood from wrists fucking spraying. Dead to the world i can no longer be someone’s motivation. Your neglect of me is the reason I’m no longer breathing…
There’s a difference in feeling like you’re alone and actually being alone. To be means there’s nobody on the other end when you reach for your phone. Pour your heart and soul out into a very empty atmosphere. Your cries for help broadcasted for nobody in the world to hear. You second guess yourself because there’s nothing else left to do. No one else to pick you up cause all you have is you. If I felt like I was alone that would just be a temporary feeling. Knowing damn well there’s more than one person underneath that ceiling. Cause in a room full of people you can still end up feeling empty. No shared interests, not giving up anything physically or emotionally. I’m not sure what I did and I hate how it’s playing out. Trust issues don’t come out of nowhere. But when you’re alone, there are no witnesses to bare.
Your behavior was way too erratic so the ending of course couldn’t be anything other than anticlimactic. I tried to let you down easily but you weren’t having that. Started acting crazy but found out it wasn’t an act. I said my peace but if course that wasn’t enough. The life of a crazy person is always rough. She said some slick shit and acted like it never happened. Well i did and now silence is my only reaction. Text after text even tho I told you to stop. Blinded by your crazy on the crazy leader board you were atop. I will take some of the blame cuz I let it go to far. But the faster you get over your today’s, the faster you can start enjoying your tomorrow’s….
Fresh out of the cage I was allowed to roam and play. Mindset was fuck if its wrong and fuck what you gotta say. I have a switch and I moved that bitch towards turnt up. They say timing is everything well that was your dumb luck. I put the good guy away he was getting on my last nerve. All the bs he put up with wondering if he’ll ever learn.
I had to calm down Monstah cuz he was getting out of hand. Hell I even hate to sit down I’m such a stand up man. Short term thinking, he is only worried bout the here and now. I got an image to keep up, I would hate to let anyone down. I treat people the way I would like to be treated. Life isn’t easy and my self esteem is easily defeated.
He talking bout self esteem like you can buy it at the store. Get with a few girls randomly and when that’s over, go get some more. This nice guy ninja gets into troubles that only I can get out of. Can’t be nice to everyone we ain’t all cut from the same cloth. Now where the bad bitches at cuz I’m trying to fuck. Frustrating dealing with this ninja and all his bad luck.
My luck has never really been too good but I would like to think I’m blessed. Controlling what I can only helps me in not being stressed. This guy on some no love lost and zero fucks given ish. Me I’m out here really living by hope and wish. Cuz I really hope I put away my desires of just being with bad bitches. And wish i would just hurry up and finally find my mrs….(green that is)
As I look to my left and take a glance to my right. All i see is darkness, not a soul in sight. Empty inside I no longer feel the pain. That black cloud blocks out the light and rains on my parade. Drenched in new knowledge I hate that it happened this way. You could have had whatever whenever forever and a day. Mistakes will be made but aren’t to be made often. With each one your supposed to learn and grow from them. A life of solitude seems to be the easiest way. Feelings come and go so maybe I’ll feel different some other day. Maybe the black cloud will eventually run out of tears. Maybe someone will come and wash away my fears. I was in the light when first I started this. And I finish this in the familiar place of darkness…..
No matter how fast you run you can’t outrun your past. You try to forget all the negative things but the memories will always last.
I was greedy and selfish and thought I had the right to be. Disrespecting the only female that was probably perfect for me.
She deserved much better than what I was willing to give. I was ready to settle down even tho I had yet to really live.
They say its not cheating if you never get caught. Well I haven’t had a relationship since so that’s the fate that I bought.
I’m not a nice person like I always claim to be. I’ve done my fair share of dirt and karma is now my enemy…..
If home is where the heart is
Then I haven’t been home in a long while.
Raised in a house built on love
Looking back all I can do is smile.
We never had much but it always
Felt like more than enough.
A strong and sturdy foundation
Couldn’t anything come between us.
You encouraged us to be ourselves
And that is was ok to be different.
Work hard at everything you do
And always be consistent.
As I sit here in the dungeon
In a place that I can call my own.
The love I grew up with doesn’t exist here.
So this place will never be my home.