Trying to stay upbeat and positive is like a full time job. Life happens so fast it can be hard to enjoy it sometimes at all. I put myself out there and it never seems to work. I be looking for something deeper. They just looking to flirt. This isn’t just another whoa is me type of situation. More of if you ever had a question this is just the explanation. I know you probably thinking that they are one in the same. But just know truth or truth is the only game i’ll play. In the past I know I’ve said there would be zero fucks given. I’m just lying to myself cause that is not how I’m living. I live and breathe to try to do right by others. In hopes that it comes back to me in an abundance. Life can seem hopeless if you allow it to be. Everyday I’m working on being a better me.
Everything done in the dark will always come to the light. Been holding this in too long, its time to set my mind right. Family isn’t chosen and I couldn’t have chosen a better one, well except for the bitch i’ll refer to as my mothers son. He violated so many codes especially family coming first. The boy got some pussy, and that’s when things got worse. Brought an evil spirit into what was once a happy home. You were desperate and obviously didn’t wanna die alone. I won’t fault you for that cause no one deserves that fate. Couldn’t get it in real life so you turned to the internet to find you a mate. Lame ass bitch you chose the wackest one on the site. Not many suitors you won that bitch without a fight. We all could see that she wasn’t the one. The bitch is bi-polar but you only saw the good side. Damn it’s true when they say love is blind. But enough about her cause she’s not that important someday you’ll realize it’s your money she’s extorting. Nobody will ever understand why you chose her over us. But theres no coming back from that decision and that’s something you can trust. Damn shame how it ended but you are no longer my brother. Wish I had the choice cause I damn sure would have chose another…..
They say good things happen to good people. Well ain’t that the furthest from the truth. This undeserving bitch keep coming up, I don’t need anymore proof. But the karma Gods strike again making me change my opinion. Hopefully you won’t brag about shit you don’t deserve ever again. I know it sounds harsh but this is just my humble opinion. When it comes to you just remember zero fucks will be given….
As each day passes me by my mind slowly starts to realize. That some things meant to be seen weren’t meant for my eyes. I used to dream of having a wife and maybe a few kids. Dreams are just that and when I wake its to a sad, lonely existence. Imagine being reminded that if it hasn’t happened yet it probably never will. Easier to believe that to be true because it just might be the deal. They say theres someone out there for everyone but maybe that’s not quite right. Never been a quitter but am increasingly tiring from the fight. I’m hungry for love so I made a reservation for two. I’ll be frustratingly waiting while that empty seat waits for you.
All this stress on my brain I’m just trying to find a release. Its just renting space while I achieve some inner peace. Every no I’ve ever heard just adds another brick to the wall. So many bricks now its too damn tall. Everyday that passes I’m trying to change my view. Another brick comes down when I think of you. On the other side of this wall is where I need to be. Love, peace and happiness in a world that is stress free….
The best way to describe me, is that I’m socially awkward. In a crowded room I’m most comfortable playing the background. Self esteem issues, I’ll admit I got some. Perception versus reality is where they come from. I can’t take a compliment without thinking theres a hidden agenda. Disingenuous people are all I seem to remember. But what I perceive may not always be real. Numbed by emotions, it’s time again to let myself feel. The negative thoughts that seem to constantly cloud my mind. I’m saying farewell to them and let my brain fully unwind.
As I’ve aged and matured, I’ve come to accept my fears. Although it doesn’t happen often, I’ve been known to shed some tears. My life hasn’t always been good and sometimes its been hard to accept that. The bad times don’t last forever so there’s no need to live in the past. My past has taught me that no is an acceptable answer. The “yes-es” may be few and far between but definitely something to live for. As I’ve aged and matured I’ve learned to bathe in the sun. Too busy trying please others, I sometimes forget that I need to be number one. As I’ve aged and matured I’ve learned life is what you make it. Dwelling in the negative will keep you from being your greatest….
Hey love, I haven’t spoken to you in a minute. I guess nobody has made me feel like they was in it to win it. Lord knows I got plenty to give but no one to give it to. In the back of my mind, I’ll always hope that it’s you. Sad to say but I know that it will never be. Past circumstances won’t allow it to be me. But if you ever change your mind or better yet your heart. Let me know so I can put the bs aside and let a real relationship start.
Today was my lucky day, I ran into my angel. Was I awake or was I dreaming, it was hard for me tell. She was away from me, just for a little while. That time apart was easily erased by her lovely smile. She’s the positive in a bad situation. I hear the stories, just chalk it up to hater-ration. No ones perfect, a lesson that she made me learn. Told me if I could see past her past, her trust I’ll earn. So I forgive her for her mistakes cause I made some too. Pursue this happiness, is all I’m trying to do.