Sometimes doing your best for others
Will leave you feeling all vulnerable.
Giving your all to the next person
And leaving you with the feeling of being alone.
Walking back and forth thru these thoughts
Have led me to a very dark place.
A very much long winded journey.
That has ultimately made me miss you in this chase.
Lonely thoughts paraded around my mind
Always and forever only asking the question why?
Marching around back and forth my mind
Making me ask questions and never receiving a reply.
I didn’t just wanted to be loved but
I just wanted to be loved by you.
Life will always happen for a reason
But alone is how I’ll feel till I’m next to you.
They said that if you freed your mind
Then the the rest would follow.
Unfortunately you were hard headed and
Your pride you wouldn’t swallow.
Closed minded you talked a lot
And you convinced yourself of the bs.
Inflammatory thoughts you had
Kept your mind in distress.
If you would’ve shut the fuck up
And just sat down and listen.
The lessons you would’ve heard
Would’ve been worth the free admission.
But since you ain’t freely admitting
You will always be stuck in your old ways
And always finding yourself unfortunately
Looking back on all of the bad days.
I put your feelings ahead of mine
Never batted an eye was happy to do it.
Reciprocity is only cool
When I don’t have to ask for it.
If you allowed yourself to stick around
And listened to what I said from the start.
You might have have digested the messasge
And nourished on the very best part…..
I made the bold move to greet you and
I don’t know if you are here for a reason.
Not sure if this was meant to last long
Or sadly just another wasted season.
I stepped firmly out of a zone in which
You have never seen me implanted in.
I could paint you a very dark image but
I want you to see me in my very on skin.
Ups and downs, the rollercoaster of life
I don’t ride my life wearing a safety belt.
Sadness has built up an iceberg that
Even your happiness probably couldn’t melt.
That is all very much speculation though
Because i do not know much about you.
The introvert in me says leave her alone but
My heart says she is not what you are used to.
What i do i know is very simply this.
It is out of my thoughts and into your eyes.
What is real and what is not I am hoping
That somewhere the real truth lies!!!!
It’s been long said that an idle mind is the devils playground. I’m finna occupy that space and not let Lucifer the chance to play around.
Inverse of all of that, God certainly doesn’t love ugly. One of the few men I will say that’s above me.
And when it comes to men, you will not find another like me. Your words not mine. Such a tragedy.
But off of that cause life isn’t about the petty shit. Higher powers will always direct you to what is really meant.
Occupy my mind is the only direction in which I’m heading. It may be a long road but I’m ready for the heavy sledding.
Nothing in this life worth having will come easy. When Lucifer tempts you with an easier path. Don’t take it, please believe me.
I Can’t Swim….
Jumped into a pool knowing that I could not swim. Jumped in head first knowing that’s when life would begin. Lack of knowledge will be the downfall in the end.
Took a step back because a new journey could end at the very point in which it began. Soak up all of the information and just breathe it all in.
In order to live you must first have your feet planted firmly in the ground. To truly live is to dive in, head first and drown.
All time is precious and it’s always easy to consider your own. Out partying all night never considering that he was alone. Scenarios swapped and now you’re on the other side. Confronted by your own hypocrisy with nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. With all time considered, you figured you could just sit back and watch. His fabric was different, he was cut from a different cloth. Fully dressed ideas now only come to you while sit by your self on the couch. Sadly those thoughts were Midas without the golden touch. Moral of the story is watch how you act when times are really, really good. It can bite you in the ass in ways you never thought it could or would…..
She said she would always have his back. Especially when no one else would stay. Talking the biggest game knowing damn well she wouldn’t do the things that she did say. Words are just that and they can mean whatever that you want em. As it would turn out, she never truly had the capacity to actually believe them. She wanted a validity that never could have come from him. When all else failed, she simply blamed it all on them. A lifetime passed and she saw that nothing changed. A lifetime passed but the blame just got rearranged! She had a big ass house with nothing else to show. Lights shining bright, not even a shadow could be found on the low. From the lows to the high they knew they were gonna make it through the night. Always remember fighting through the dark that they knew could get you them to their light!!!
They were never on the same page. Even tho they were reading from the same book. They read all the of the words at some point. But unfortunately the bigger picture is what they both overlooked. She wanted one thing and he wanted the same. When she wanted it to happen, it was him she had to blame. He told her, baby I love you but she couldn’t understand why! She was still feeling the rejections brought upon from some other guy! He asked her to explain and she gave him and incredulous look. It was at this point he realized. They were never reading from the same book.